“Studies have shown that it takes 21 days of consistent behavior to change a habit or create a new one, such as establishing a regular exercise routine, eating a healthier diet, or taking time each day for self-care.” That’s what the Chopra Center reported in a recent email invitation I received. That’s three weeks. Does it really take 21 days to establish a change in our lives?
So often in my life, I’ve begun something and then quit. Sometimes it’s been a new exercise regime or practices I wanted in my life, such as starting each morning with certain rituals. Other times, it’s been releasing a behavior that no longer served me. Yet, when I reflect on the habits I’ve truly either let go of or established in my life, it was because I continued to practice them for a long time until they became “the way–my way.” I’m not sure it took precisely 21 days, but what I do remember is that those first days and that first week were really the make it or break it time–that critical time period when I had to choose each day to continue or to give up. Each 24 hours that passed, beginning from Day 1, was the impetus for the next 24-hour period. That is how it was for me when I quit smoking as a young adult (yes, I’m embarrassed to admit that once upon a time, I did smoke). Each day that I made it through without a cigarette provided the strength and hope for the next 24-hour period. I don’t ever remember thinking about the weeks (or months) ahead–it was truly “one day at a time.”
This theme of 21 days came up in my life this past week in two different realms. First, with regard to my mother, who is currently in a rehab center, working to stand, walk, and perform her daily functions while living with a sudden-onset back condition that may not ever go away. As we’ve discussed the challenges she’s facing, we’ve acknowledged the difficulty she’s experiencing in establishing new habits. Retraining her body to perform movements other than what she’s done for the past 80 years is especially challenging. The physical therapists explained in our meeting last Friday that it can take 21 days to establish a habit such as remembering to lock her wheelchair before standing or performing a log roll to get out of bed.
The second came through the Chopra Center’s 21-Day Meditation Challenge™ which began last week (today is Day 5). Their promise is that “in just 21 days, you can also establish a fulfilling meditation practice that will give you a lifetime of rewards. You may have dipped your toe in the water with limited success, but this time, you will have daily support and guidance that will enable you to move beyond any past obstacles and experience the many gifts and benefits of meditation.” Since my meditation is at times “spotty,” I decided to accept this challenge and their support to see where it leads me.
Along with my belief that the first days are the most critical, I also believe that the level of one’s commitment, intention and attention to change have a lot to do with the success of that change. In other words, how invested are you in achieving the desired result? My mother is not really interested in living her life in a wheelchair, so it’s been a challenge getting her to see the importance of locking it. She’s also needed some convincing to see the benefits for her to learn how to do a log roll as she gets in and out of bed–it’s a big deal to retrain muscles after a lifetime of doing it a different way. As for my meditation practice, I intellectually understand the wonderful benefits of meditating, yet I’ve never had any significant experiences during meditation. I’ve heard from others about the wonderful transformation they’ve experienced through meditation as well as their experiences of living a more heart-centered life. I’m trusting in those experiences to propel me forward with making meditation a daily practice–and a daily habit–in my own life.
Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, discussed in her blog of the same name the results of a recent study (referring to a study conducted by Phillippa Lally and colleagues from University College London who recruited 96 people interested in forming a new habit such as eating a piece of fruit with lunch or doing a 15 minute run each day. Lally et al. (2009).
She stated, “According to a recent study, a daily action like eating fruit at lunch or running for fifteen minutes took an average of sixty-six days to become as much of a habit as it would ever become.
“However, there was a lot of variation, both among people and among habits – some people are more habit-resistant than others, and some habits are harder to pick up than others.
“I found this study reassuring. My difficulty in picking up certain habits wasn’t unusual. Fact is, habits are hard to alter, and that’s why developing a good habit is really worth the struggle; once you’re used to making your bed each morning, or going for an evening walk, or flossing, you don’t have to exert much self-control to keep it up.
“The study also showed that if you miss a day here or there when you’re trying to develop a habit, it doesn’t derail the process, so don’t get discouraged if you can’t keep a perfect track record. But the first days seem to make the biggest difference, so it’s worth trying to be particularly diligent at the beginning of the attempted-habit-acquisition process.”
That leads me to the conclusion that there is no hard-and-fast rule when it comes to making changes in our lives. Hanging onto the belief that “making the change will really be good for me” seems an important part of sticking with it, whether it takes 21 days, 66 days, or something more or less. Identifying the answer to questions such as “What’s in it for me?” or “Why do I desire this change?” can really help on those days when we’d rather be doing something else or feel like giving up. And, as has been my past experience, each day that passes with the desired change accomplished is a day to celebrate. In our goal-driven society, it’s especially important to allow ourselves time to acknowledge what we’ve done and how far we’ve come rather than only look ahead to the desired outcome. In my desire to always DO and BECOME, this seems like an important piece for me to remember. In the famous lyrics of Three Dog Night, it seems especially poignant to “Celebrate, celebrate, and dance to the music!” as I go along. How about you?
