Last week while in California, all the family issues and dynamics I’ve been trying to hold at bay came swirling into my awareness. I’d taken my daughters to California in an effort to take a vacation from it all. But, as with any “geographic,” everything came right along with me. Sibling relationship issues, my mother-daughter relationships with my own mother and with my two daughters, relationship issues with my spouse–they all loomed there larger than life. Facing the reality of the pain and dysfunction, and my own fear, brought me to my knees. My heart opened. What I wanted to do though was just close it all up again and run away. Or find a way to “manage” it all so I could feel better.

Neither was really an option–my eyes and my heart were opened. But then, what do I do? How do I proceed? Those questions took my breath away at times during the last days of last week. I could feel the panic rise within. My girlfriend advised me that I just need to step up to the plate–to be present to what is happening–and to take everything I’ve learned up to now and practice what I’ve come to KNOW. No more thinking, no more planning what I’ll say or do, no need to figure everything out–no more of all that CONTROL stuff I do so well! Tough order!

I love being the student: researching, reading, journaling, imparting my wisdom to others, theorizing, and all the other things I do to stay in my head. All the things I do to keep the fear away and to make myself feel safe. What became so crystal clear is that it’s time to stop being the student. It’s time to come out of my safety zone because even that “safety zone” is really just an illusion. Nothing can move or change as long as I stay locked in that intellectual cycle. So, it’s time to act–from my heart–and to BE with the “as is” state of my life. Of course, even as I write it here, I know that for me it’s easier said than done!

Last Thursday, however, I remembered a segment in the movie we watched at Collage a couple of weeks ago–it seemed to hold the answer of how I need to “proceed.” In “How to Cook Your Life,” the Zen practitioner and cook, Edward Espe Brown, shares a poem to make a point. It’s entitled “The Little Duck.” In this poem, the duck doesn’t think or strategize or look for more information or react. He just sits and IS with the situation he is in. He is a part of all that is. He doesn’t struggle or seek to escape. He doesn’t try to look or move beyond where he is. He relaxes into exactly where he is, even as the ocean swells around him. He holds onto his internal calm in the apparent “storm” taking place.

I can do this too. I have prepared for this moment for a very long time. I will be a duck in the swirling ocean. I will be present to the “as is” situation. I will act, when that is required, rather than react. I will sit in the swirl rather than become a part of it. I will walk my talk and live from a place of integrity, authenticity, and love. And so BE IT, and so IT IS! One moment at a time, one breath at a time, in this present place.

THE LITTLE DUCK

Today’s recipe is in honor of our good friend, and godfather to my girls, David. Today is his birthday, and my daughters and I are happy and excited to be here in California and able to share his special day with him.

My daughter Alix wanted to do something for him today by baking a yummy dessert. My other daughter Frankie has designed a special card for him. I can hardly wait to see what she’s created.

This recipe comes from Ina Garten Barefoot Contessa Parties! cookbook. They smell and look fabulous–can hardly wait to bite into them this evening. I hope you’ll give them a try for someone special in your life! Bon apetito!

LEMON BARS
Makes 20 Squares or 40 Triangles

“It’s important to me that lemon bars really taste like lemon. I love the way the tart citrus cuts the sweetness of the filling. I can’t begin to calculate how many lemon bars Harry Goodale has made at Barefoot Contessa over the years, but they’re definitely one of our best sellers.” Ina Garten

For the Crust:
1/2 pound unsalted butter at room temperature
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/8 teaspoon kosher salt

For the Filling:
6 extra-large eggs at room temperature
3 cups granulated sugar
2 tablespoons grated lemon zest (4 to 6 lemons)
1 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 cup all-purpose flour

Confectioners’ sugar, for dusting

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

For the crust, cream the butter and sugar until light in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Combine the flour and salt and, with the mixer on low, add to the butter until just mixed. Dump the dough onto a well-floured board and gather into a ball. Flatten the dough with floured hands and press it into a 9 x 13 x 2-inch baking sheet, building up a 1/2-inch edge on all sides. Chill.

Bake the crust for 15 to 20 minutes, until very lightly browned. Let cool on a wire rack. Leave the oven on.

For the filling, whisk together the eggs, sugar, lemon zest, lemon juice, and flour. Pour over the crust and bake for 30 to 35 minutes, until the filling is set. Let cool to room temperature.

Cut into triangles and dust with confectioners’ sugar.

Last night, Bellisima Living teamed up with Collage to show another thought-provoking film–our third in our summer movie series. We had a circle of women in attendance who all found the movie full of powerful and insightful messages. The film, How To Cook Your Life, by German filmmaker Doris Dörrie, documents a summer in the life of renowned Zen practitioner and cook Edward Espe Brown as he teaches culinary classes in Zen centers in Austria and California. Woven throughout the documentary were many analogies for life and life’s lessons, providing us with much food for thought as we considered the role food plays in our lives, our bodies and our spirits. The film was not only informative, but provocative, touching, and funny as well.

What I especially loved about last night was the wonderful discussion that took place after the movie. The women in attendance were all interested in looking deeply into their own lives and at the issues and challenges, as well as the wonderful aspects, of the world we live in. I walked away from the evening with a deep sense of gratitude for the opportunity to share with women who wish to connect deeply with others and within themselves.

I and Collage will continue to host movie nights in order to stimulate dialogue about all kinds of issues related to our environment, social justice, and spiritual fulfillment. The benefits of being stimulated to look in new directions and to engage in dialogue will go far in making our world a better place.

If you have the opportunity to host movie nights with family, friends and neighbors, I encourage you to do so. You can find great documentaries and inspirational movies at Netflix. Netflix now has many more films available to watch online. The benefit is that no DVD needs to be mailed to you and returned by you–you watch the movie via your computer. I do however still have films mailed to me because not every film is available via my computer.

Another option is a monthly DVD club such as Spiritual Cinema Circle. As stated on their website, “Spiritual Cinema Circle is the home of uplifting stories that inspire love and compassion, films that connect us with the world around us. Now in our sixth year, Spiritual Cinema Circle is home for a community of conscious filmmakers and film-lovers in more than 80 countries. We’re proud to have brought the work of more than 100 exciting, new independent filmmakers to the homes of tens of thousands of people around the world.”

Why not rent a movie or join a DVD club and be inspired? Better yet, why not get a group of people together and get some dialogue going?

This week, my daughter Alix, who loves cooking, created a wonderful dish, modifying a recipe we found in the September issue of Whole Living. The original recipe calls for halibut instead of salmon. It also requires cooking the dish in individual parchment pockets. Since we had no parchment in our house, she used aluminum foil. Using foil required that we cook the food at a higher temperature. Parchment is a much better choice, so I plan to get some to have on hand for her future cooking adventures.

The following is Alix’s variation on Martha Stewart’s theme. It turned out to be a wonderful meal that we all really enjoyed. I hope your family enjoys it too! Bon appetito!

SALMON, SQUASH, TOMATOES & OLIVES
Serves 4

Ingredients:
4 skinless salmon fillets
3 yellow squash
3 zucchini
2 medium tomatoes
1/2 – 3/4 cup sliced and pitted black olives
thyme
sea salt and pepper
extra-virgin olive oil

Preparation:
1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Lightly season 4 skinless salmon fillets on both sides with sea salt and freshly ground black pepper. Take a 9×13 inch baking dish and line with foil, using enough foil to be able to fold some back towards center.

2. Cut 3 yellow squash and 3 zucchini into julienned strips. Season with salt and pepper. Spread the zucchini and squash over the bottom of the foil-lined baking dish. Lay the pieces of salmon on top of the vegetable mixture. Slice two medium-sized tomatoes and distribute over the top. Next take 1/2 to 3/4 cup pitted and sliced oil-cured black olives and spread over the tomatoes. Top with 2 whole sprigs of fresh thyme or sprinkle with dried thyme. Drizzle with extra-virgin olive oil (about 2 Tbsp. per salmon fillet).

3. Fold the foil toward the center. Take another piece of foil and lay over the top so that the contents will steam.

Place in the oven and cook for 20-30 minutes. Check at 20 minutes, being careful to avoid getting scalded by the steam as you lift the foil. Cook until the fish and vegetables are at the desired “doneness.”

“Studies have shown that it takes 21 days of consistent behavior to change a habit or create a new one, such as establishing a regular exercise routine, eating a healthier diet, or taking time each day for self-care.” That’s what the Chopra Center reported in a recent email invitation I received. That’s three weeks. Does it really take 21 days to establish a change in our lives?

So often in my life, I’ve begun something and then quit. Sometimes it’s been a new exercise regime or practices I wanted in my life, such as starting each morning with certain rituals. Other times, it’s been releasing a behavior that no longer served me. Yet, when I reflect on the habits I’ve truly either let go of or established in my life, it was because I continued to practice them for a long time until they became “the way–my way.” I’m not sure it took precisely 21 days, but what I do remember is that those first days and that first week were really the make it or break it time–that critical time period when I had to choose each day to continue or to give up. Each 24 hours that passed, beginning from Day 1, was the impetus for the next 24-hour period. That is how it was for me when I quit smoking as a young adult (yes, I’m embarrassed to admit that once upon a time, I did smoke). Each day that I made it through without a cigarette provided the strength and hope for the next 24-hour period. I don’t ever remember thinking about the weeks (or months) ahead–it was truly “one day at a time.”

This theme of 21 days came up in my life this past week in two different realms. First, with regard to my mother, who is currently in a rehab center, working to stand, walk, and perform her daily functions while living with a sudden-onset back condition that may not ever go away. As we’ve discussed the challenges she’s facing, we’ve acknowledged the difficulty she’s experiencing in establishing new habits. Retraining her body to perform movements other than what she’s done for the past 80 years is especially challenging. The physical therapists explained in our meeting last Friday that it can take 21 days to establish a habit such as remembering to lock her wheelchair before standing or performing a log roll to get out of bed.

The second came through the Chopra Center’s 21-Day Meditation Challenge™ which began last week (today is Day 5). Their promise is that “in just 21 days, you can also establish a fulfilling meditation practice that will give you a lifetime of rewards. You may have dipped your toe in the water with limited success, but this time, you will have daily support and guidance that will enable you to move beyond any past obstacles and experience the many gifts and benefits of meditation.” Since my meditation is at times “spotty,” I decided to accept this challenge and their support to see where it leads me.

Along with my belief that the first days are the most critical, I also believe that the level of one’s commitment, intention and attention to change have a lot to do with the success of that change. In other words, how invested are you in achieving the desired result? My mother is not really interested in living her life in a wheelchair, so it’s been a challenge getting her to see the importance of locking it. She’s also needed some convincing to see the benefits for her to learn how to do a log roll as she gets in and out of bed–it’s a big deal to retrain muscles after a lifetime of doing it a different way. As for my meditation practice, I intellectually understand the wonderful benefits of meditating, yet I’ve never had any significant experiences during meditation. I’ve heard from others about the wonderful transformation they’ve experienced through meditation as well as their experiences of living a more heart-centered life. I’m trusting in those experiences to propel me forward with making meditation a daily practice–and a daily habit–in my own life.

Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, discussed in her blog of the same name the results of a recent study (referring to a study conducted by Phillippa Lally and colleagues from University College London who recruited 96 people interested in forming a new habit such as eating a piece of fruit with lunch or doing a 15 minute run each day. Lally et al. (2009).

She stated, “According to a recent study, a daily action like eating fruit at lunch or running for fifteen minutes took an average of sixty-six days to become as much of a habit as it would ever become.

“The study also showed that if you miss a day here or there when you’re trying to develop a habit, it doesn’t derail the process, so don’t get discouraged if you can’t keep a perfect track record. But the first days seem to make the biggest difference, so it’s worth trying to be particularly diligent at the beginning of the attempted-habit-acquisition process.”

That leads me to the conclusion that there is no hard-and-fast rule when it comes to making changes in our lives. Hanging onto the belief that “making the change will really be good for me” seems an important part of sticking with it, whether it takes 21 days, 66 days, or something more or less. Identifying the answer to questions such as “What’s in it for me?” or “Why do I desire this change?” can really help on those days when we’d rather be doing something else or feel like giving up. And, as has been my past experience, each day that passes with the desired change accomplished is a day to celebrate. In our goal-driven society, it’s especially important to allow ourselves time to acknowledge what we’ve done and how far we’ve come rather than only look ahead to the desired outcome. In my desire to always DO and BECOME, this seems like an important piece for me to remember. In the famous lyrics of Three Dog Night, it seems especially poignant to “Celebrate, celebrate, and dance to the music!” as I go along. How about you?

As shown in this short video, in the U.S. we spend over 15 percent on healthcare—the most of any country, yet we spend the least on food. Most wealthy countries, like the U.S.–and followed by the U.K., Denmark, and Hong Kong–use a small percentage of their household expenditures on food. Those countries that spend the most on food compared to other items are countries where consumers have less disposable income and most of their money goes to the bare necessities. Food shortages and higher relative food prices also account for a greater percentage of money spent on eating.

We may think that we’re spending a lot of money on food (as the video points out, in 2009 it was estimated we spent on average 10 percent), yet compared to the rest of the world, we spend very little. In Jordan, for instance, in 2007 they spent 40.9 percent of their money on food; in Indonesia it was 45.7 percent, and in Azerbaijan, they used the greatest proportion of money on food—50.4 percent. Remember also that in the U.S. we spent 22 percent on food back in 1949.

It is no accident that our health care costs are the highest in the world. That cheaper food does come with a big price tag that goes far beyond what we pay directly. In addition to major health issues, such as obesity and diabetes, our “advancements” in food production come with environmental costs as well. Pollution, food that’s cheap but nutrient-deficient, antibiotic resistant microbes, and the myriad of problems that arise because of another price-dropping practice—government subsidies to commercial farmers–all raise the bar on the actual costs to consumers.

It is possible to feed ourselves well without breaking the bank. It’s also possible to eat in more “green” ways. Next week, I’ll describe ways to do both.

In the meantime, during the week ahead, take tips from the video:
*Avoid processed foods.
*Buy the most nutritious foods available to you.
*Cook from scratch.

To your health!

Since June, food has been in the forefront of my thoughts. First, there was the trip to Italy in the second half of June where my mom, my sister and I savored the wonderful delights of Northern Italian cuisine–my clothes still don’t quite fit as they should… Many of the foods, and the ways in which they were prepared, reminded us of long-ago traditional family dinners.

Then, there was the wonderful birthday cake I created for my twin daughters’ birthday in early July. Taking both girls’ ideas and talking about how to combine their individual wishes, we created a three-layer cheesecake for their birthday. Our collaboration became a layer of flourless chocolate cake, followed by a layer of plain cheesecake, and finished with a creamy, gooey, peanut butter topping. It was a hit, even though we acknowledged that we’ll need to make some adjustments for size the next time we make it. A significant memory of their 15th birthday was created that day.

This past week, my mind has been on identifying calcium-rich foods and recipes for my mom–foods to increase the chances that her bone fractures heal.

Two weeks ago, however, my focus was on the food I would serve my adult daughter and her family during their eight-day stay with us. In addition to considerations for what my grandchildren’s preferences were, I had to calculate the preparation of food for twice as many people! What I hadn’t considered–and what unfolded during the course of the week–was my realization that food can be the loving glue securing or repairing personal relationships.

My daughter left home to live with her father and his family when she was 14 years old, feeling the need to break away from what she considered to be my maternal hold on her. That was 21 years ago. Throughout the subsequent years, our relationship has been challenged by both physical and emotional distance. During her visit–the longest amount of time we’ve spent together in ten years–my daughter and I reconnected in ways I never dreamed possible.

Much of our reconnecting was through the food I prepared and served. For instance, knowing that Amanda always loved our family’s spaghetti sauce, and that every member of my family has always loved walking into a house and being greeted by that familiar smell, I began preparing it the morning of their anticipated arrival. As predicted, she entered our house–a home in a state she’d never before visited–and immediately welled up with tears, mostly because we were seeing each other for the first time in almost four years. Additionally, though, she was transported back to the days when she’d enter our home and smell that I was in the midst of preparing that same sauce. Our first night together, here in Colorado, gave her the opportunity to re-experience one of her childhood delights and share one of our traditional family meals with her husband and children.

As the week progressed, I prepared surprises such as the homemade waffles eaten in our home since the days when my grandmother would visit my childhood home and make them for me and my sister. It was our ritual: Nonna would come for a week’s stay and make waffles for my sister and me in the morning. We all knew those waffles were a required ingredient for her visit. Nonna taught me and my sister how to eat them as little finger sandwiches, with only melted butter in between the two layers. When we had our second helping (there was always a second helping), we would all add strawberry jam to the layers–Nonna’s favorite jam.

On “waffle morning,” during Amanda’s stay, she readied to eat her waffles, showing her children and husband how she’d eaten them as a child. I realized I had passed on my grandmother’s tradition–there she was eating her buttered finger sandwich waffles!

One morning as we prepared a different breakfast together, she and I reminisced about other foods and meals she remembered. As I listened, I realized that no matter how far apart we had been, the foods I’d prepared had stayed with her, along with the nurturing love I’d folded in. As her husband said, each meal was especially wonderful because it was made with love.

When I think back on our life together, I usually remember the most challenging and difficult moments first. One of the many gifts I received during Amanda’s visit was the realization that she and I share a history filled with much love and caring. She showed me that what she carries in her heart are the many experiences of that deep, binding love. Our hearts have been and forever will be connected to each other–glued together by the foods passed down through past generations and cemented together by a lifetime of memories and experiences.

Before the week was over I discovered another gift through creating a few new dishes together. I saw how the new creations reflected the changes that have come about for each of us during our years away from each other. I am grateful that as we move forward, we have no need to cling desperately to the past. Instead, we can continue to grow and evolve, adding new traditions and memories to our family’s rich history. All glued together by the love that continues to grow and evolve as well.

Have you had an opportunity to see “The Future of Food” yet? This was not a movie that made it to your local theater, but it continues to impact those of us who get an opportunity to view it. It was produced in 2004 to shed light on the GMO food industry. As stated at their website, “The Future of Food has been a key tool in the American and international anti-GMO grassroots activist movements and played widely in the environmental and activist circuits since its release in 2004. The film is widely acknowledged for its role in educating voters and the subsequent success of passing Measure H in Mendocino County, California, one of the first local initiatives in the country to ban the planting of GMO crops. Indicative of its popularity, the Future of Food showed to a sold out audience of 1,500 at the Castro Theatre in San Francisco in 2004, a benefit for Slow Food, where it was introduced by Alice Waters.”

On Thursday night, Bellisima Living and Collage teamed up to present this film. What I appreciate most about its content is that it stirred emotions in all of us and got us talking, asking questions, and pondering future actions. The content is disturbing and at times even shocking, yet it was not presented in a way to make one want to turn away. In fact, it has the opposite effect–it makes one want to watch until the end in order to learn more. The most gratifying aspect of this film for me was the last segment which offers hope and solutions.

I intend to present this film again in the near future. Its subject matter needs to be explored, and people need to consider what they are buying each time they go to the grocery store. If we all knew that something we were buying could cause illness, disease and/or allergies, I’m sure most–or all–of us would choose something different. This film gives you the opportunity to think about the choices you are making today. As stated at the end of the film, “The choices we make at the supermarket determine the future of food. It’s up to YOU!”

Without giving everything away, here are some of the questions explored in this well-organized documentary:

*What is gene patenting and who is doing it?
*What are GMO foods and how long have they been around?
*What are the primary GMO crops being grown in the United States?
*In what other countries are these crops being grown?
*Where and how are GMO foods being distributed and how do we know when we’re consuming them?
*What is happening to the farming industry in the U.S. and throughout the world?
*What other living things are being genetically modified?
*Who is behind what is occurring within the food industry and how widespread is it?
*Why is all of this important to know about?
*What can consumers do?

If you have not yet seen The Future of Food, I highly recommend that you rent or borrow it. Even better still, you can buy a copy for $10 or download a copy to your computer for $5 through their website at www.thefutureoffood.com. Then invite a group of family, friends, and neighbors over for an evening of thought-provoking and stimulating information and discussion.

It is up to us! What choices will we each make today, tomorrow, and further down the road? What will be the future of food and what role will we each play in that future?

Today as I write this, I have tears in my eyes. My mother has literally broken her back, with fractures in two discs and another condition related to the alignment of her discs. She has osteoporosis, and as a result of recent events–none of which involved an accident or fall–she is now unable to walk on her own. Just two weeks ago, she was back from Italy doing her twice-a-week three-mile walks. I am still in shock. My sister and I are gathering information, seeking to understand her situation and to find out how to address it through health care providers and support services. As I learn more and begin to process what is happening, I will include more posts about this saddening and difficult situation.

I do know that in order to heal, she must ensure that her diet and supplements are calcium-rich. When we think of calcium, most of us immediately think of dairy products. But did you know that a diet rich in dark, leafy greens, fruit, nuts, and seeds will give you plenty of calcium? Did you also know that blackstrap molasses, tofu, and amaranth are great sources of calcium, as well as sesame seeds, tahini (made from sesame seeds), and even brown sugar?

Today’s recipe is for my mother and for every person who is challenged by osteoporosis. This recipe comes from The Whole Foods Market Cookbook.

Be well! And from me and my Italian mother, BUON APPETITO!

GRIDDLED SESAME AND GARLIC TOFU WITH WILTED BOK CHOY
Serves 4

The flavors of ginger, garlic, and golden brown sesame seeds are locked inside tender tofu steaks that are seared over high heat until crispy. If you prefer a stronger miso flavor, use a dark brown or red miso. If you find yourself without apple or pineapple juice, use water instead.

Ingredients:

Tofu
3/4 cup apple or pineapple juice
1/4 cup reduced-sodium tamari or soy sauce
1/4 cup white miso
1 tablespoon light brown sugar
1 tablespoon rice or cider vinegar
1 tablespoon sesame seeds (feel free to use more)
2 teaspoons finely chopped fresh ginger
2 teaspoons toasted sesame oil
1 teaspoon red chile flakes
3 cloves garlic
1 pound firm tofu, cut lengthwise into four 1/2-thick (4-ounce) “steaks”
Vegetable oil for spraying pan

Bok Choy
1 teaspoon peanut or canola oil
1 teaspoon sesame oil
1 teaspoon finely chopped ginger
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 medium head bok choy, washed and sliced diagonally, or 4 heads baby bok choy, quartered lengthwise
1 tablespoon reduced-sodium tamari or soy sauce
6 to 8 green onions, sliced diagonally
Sesame seeds, for garnish

Method:
For the tofu, combine juice, tamari, miso, sugar, vinegar, sesame seeds, ginger, oil, chile flakes and garlic in a food processor and process until smooth to make a marinade. Transfer marinade to a wide, shallow dish, add tofu and turn to coat well. Cover dish and refrigerate for 2 hours, or preferably overnight.

Preheat the oven to the lowest setting, about 185°F. Spray a large nonstick skillet with vegetable oil and heat over high heat. Drain tofu and reserve the marinade. Transfer tofu to skillet and cook, flipping once, until golden brown, about 2 minutes per side. Transfer tofu to a baking sheet and keep warm in the oven.

For the bok choy, heat oils in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add ginger, garlic, and bok choy and cook, stirring frequently, until almost tender, 4 to 5 minutes. Add the tamari and green onions and remove from heat.

To assemble, place a bed of bok choy on each of 4 plates. Arrange tofu steaks over the bok choy, and drizzle with some of the reserved marinade. Sprinkle with sesame seeds.

MoonDream by Zingaia

As I celebrate turning 55 today, I am reminded of the words of George Eliot, the nom-de-plume of British author Mary Anne Evans. “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” I feel a beckoning, an invitation to begin a new phase in my life. I feel called to dig deep and allow the excavation into the deepest and darkest parts of my soul to bring forth undiscovered gems of life experience. I hear the call to shed that which no longer serves me. And I hear the invitation to take these newly discovered gems and create beauty in my life to serve me and others.

Invitation is the word I hear over and over in my head today. My birthday is an invitation to not only BE but to BECOME, to not just live but to thrive, to not just participate but to inspire and co-create. The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer begins with a poem–an invitation. I plan to contemplate this poem in the days, weeks and months ahead. It is a beautiful reminder to live my best life today and everyday.

Happy birthday world!

THE INVITATION by Oriah

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming,
from the book The Invitation
published by HarperONE, San Francisco,
1999 All rights reserved