Last week while in California, all the family issues and dynamics I’ve been trying to hold at bay came swirling into my awareness. I’d taken my daughters to California in an effort to take a vacation from it all. But, as with any “geographic,” everything came right along with me. Sibling relationship issues, my mother-daughter relationships with my own mother and with my two daughters, relationship issues with my spouse–they all loomed there larger than life. Facing the reality of the pain and dysfunction, and my own fear, brought me to my knees. My heart opened. What I wanted to do though was just close it all up again and run away. Or find a way to “manage” it all so I could feel better.

Neither was really an option–my eyes and my heart were opened. But then, what do I do? How do I proceed? Those questions took my breath away at times during the last days of last week. I could feel the panic rise within. My girlfriend advised me that I just need to step up to the plate–to be present to what is happening–and to take everything I’ve learned up to now and practice what I’ve come to KNOW. No more thinking, no more planning what I’ll say or do, no need to figure everything out–no more of all that CONTROL stuff I do so well! Tough order!

I love being the student: researching, reading, journaling, imparting my wisdom to others, theorizing, and all the other things I do to stay in my head. All the things I do to keep the fear away and to make myself feel safe. What became so crystal clear is that it’s time to stop being the student. It’s time to come out of my safety zone because even that “safety zone” is really just an illusion. Nothing can move or change as long as I stay locked in that intellectual cycle. So, it’s time to act–from my heart–and to BE with the “as is” state of my life. Of course, even as I write it here, I know that for me it’s easier said than done!

Last Thursday, however, I remembered a segment in the movie we watched at Collage a couple of weeks ago–it seemed to hold the answer of how I need to “proceed.” In “How to Cook Your Life,” the Zen practitioner and cook, Edward Espe Brown, shares a poem to make a point. It’s entitled “The Little Duck.” In this poem, the duck doesn’t think or strategize or look for more information or react. He just sits and IS with the situation he is in. He is a part of all that is. He doesn’t struggle or seek to escape. He doesn’t try to look or move beyond where he is. He relaxes into exactly where he is, even as the ocean swells around him. He holds onto his internal calm in the apparent “storm” taking place.

I can do this too. I have prepared for this moment for a very long time. I will be a duck in the swirling ocean. I will be present to the “as is” situation. I will act, when that is required, rather than react. I will sit in the swirl rather than become a part of it. I will walk my talk and live from a place of integrity, authenticity, and love. And so BE IT, and so IT IS! One moment at a time, one breath at a time, in this present place.

THE LITTLE DUCK

Each morning as I’ve walk the ridgeline trail we recently discovered, I’ve been greeted by the blooming wildflowers and the many plants with buds readying to open. The patches of color amongst the green are like fairies dancing before my eyes.

On my walk yesterday, I was on the lookout for new flowers, but what caught my eye (and my attention) were the many heart rocks embedded in the dirt path under my feet. I wasn’t thinking about heart rocks at all, yet there they were popping out in my line of vision. Like magic, they showed up and once they’d caught my attention, I kept noticing more and more of them! Some were very tiny and others were large enough that it would have taken two hands to hold them. Why were they showing up like this all of a sudden, when over the past few weeks, I’d never even realized they were there?

It seems they showed themselves in order to get my attention. Lately, I’ve been experiencing a lot of self-doubt. It’s been coming through in my journaling and my daily thoughts. Questions such as “Am I on the right track?” “Is this what I’m supposed to be doing?” “Is this my purpose?” and many, many more have been looming larger than life, creating a lot of uncertainty. What I didn’t realize until the heart rocks showed up is that I’ve even been feeling unloved and experiencing a sense of unworthiness–that “less than” mentality.

For me, heart rocks are a reminder of love–the love that is everywhere. When I get caught up in self-doubt, when that critic–who I call my “Wicked Witch”–starts cackling at me and making me feel a sense of diminishment, I become disconnected from the love that is all around me–both inside and outside of myself. That sense of disconnect puts me on a path of aloneness, isolation, and I begin to swirl. Swirling is that dizzying spinning that leads nowhere–a very different experience from spiraling, which always leads one to something more.

I’ve always loved heart rocks–those regular, everyday variety of stones and pebbles that are shaped like hearts. A friend of mine taught me about them many years ago. When my girls were little, we would go out on walks and intentionally see how many heart rocks we could notice. We would try to leave them where they were, but every so often, there would be one that seemed to want to come home with us. If we brought one home, we would always say a little thank you to the earth for providing this beautiful treasure.

Yesterday, as I began noticing the heart rocks in my path, I started feeling that warm sensation of love. I began hearing the message that I am loved, no matter what. No matter if I have answers to my questions, I am loved and lovable. It’s as simple as that! It’s about just being–being Donna–and not about having to do or accomplish anything. So simple, yet I return to this lesson over and over again. It seems though that yesterday I needed the message to come to me from a source other than the friends and family who continue to support and encourage me. I needed to hear it from Gaia herself. Along with being loved no matter what, it’s all about the intention that I carry everyday. If my intention is to live from my heart center, then no matter where I go or what I do, I am on the right path. A heart path!

The heart rocks showed me what I most needed to hear: a heart-centered life is the answer. A heart path is the path for me to follow. I may not know exactly where I’m headed, but seeing heart rocks along the way let me know that I am truly loved and exactly where I’m supposed to be.

This past weekend, as I attended the training to become a facilitator for the Pachamama Alliance “Awakening the Dreamer” Symposium, I was profoundly moved. I am still processing all that I felt, heard, and participated in. In community with twelve other individuals, we shared the essence of the symposium and prepared for the profound honor and awesome responsibility of spreading the messages contained within it.

I experienced many emotions as we explored the three-fold mission of the Awakening the Dreamer Symposium: to bring forth an environmentally sustainable, spiritually fulfilling and socially just human presence on Planet Earth. Today, as I try to put into words all that the symposium means to me, the words “justice” and “reverence” stand out. For me, Pachamama Alliance and the Awakening the Dreamer symposium are about connecting to a desire for justice in our world and a reverence for all life.

Additionally, the words “knowing” and “awakening” resonate with me as I write this. When I first heard about the Awakening the Dreamer symposium, I intuitively knew I had to attend. At the conclusion of the symposium, I intuitively knew I had to become a facilitator. Today, after becoming a facilitator, I know that I want to–and must–share with others the messages of this incredible alliance through the symposiums and beyond. It is in awakening that we can all find ways to act–in life-affirming, just, and reverent ways–honoring ourselves and each other, bringing holistic wellness to Mother Earth and all her inhabitants.

The problems in our world are enormous, yet the potential solutions are endless! It is in EACH thought and EACH step taken by EACH one of us–one person at a time–that amazing change happens–change that will carry us beyond the crises of our times. And it is through EACH of us awakening to our universal connection with all others, including our dear planet, that a new dream will continue to emerge. A new dream, a new vision, a new way of life that honors our connection to Source, to each other, and to Mother Earth. A new dream rooted in love. A new dream rooted in reverence for All Life.

As Barry Lopez expressed on Bill Moyers’ final “Journal” episode, “We’re so afraid. There’s so much to be afraid of. I mean, look at the government we have at the moment, I mean, there’s so many places you can go, that make you think, ‘What in the world are we doing? And how can it be brought to heal?’ But we– I believe that there is a way for people to communicate with each other that they have never known before. It’s never, I mean, part of this electronic world we live in, you know? It’s got its darkness as well as its light. But for people all over the world, in small groups, to be in touch with each other about what is welling up in every country, among every group of people, which is a desire for justice.

“What brought me fully to life as a child was the natural world. So, when I came to New York and immersed myself in, you know, the- in high culture, I didn’t lose what I was given as a child. But the way I understood what I wanted to write about was using these metaphors of landscapes that I traveled in. And, you know, that’s what I do. But I’m not writing about nature. I’m writing about humanity. And if I have a subject, it is justice. And the rediscovery of the manifold way in which our lives can be shaped by the recovery of a sense of reverence for life.”

May the words of Barry Lopez resonate with each of us and make us awaken to that sense of justice and reverence.

May the video that follows also stir in each of us the notion of endless possibilities and the desire to become part of a new dream! Namaste.

As we continue to look at our recycling efforts, I want to interject one idea worthy of consideration. Environmental advocates are calling on manufacturers to consider the entire life cycle of products from manufacture through disposal and to create products that don’t need to be dumped at the end of their lives into a landfill, but can actually be composted or made into other products with a minimum of waste. Architect William McDonough is a pioneer in this movement and came up with the phrase “cradle to cradle.” You can learn more about Mr. McDonough and his programs at his website www.mcdonough.com and/or read the book he wrote with coauthor Michael Braungart: Cradle to Cradle: Remaking the Way We Make Things. Ultimately, in our efforts to sustain our planet, we will have to look at how we manufacture things as well as what we purchase (and who and what we support). As consumers, we can begin demanding changes in this direction. Along with doing that, however, we do need to continue in our efforts to recycle as well as to reduce and reuse.

In this last segment on recycling, I promised to talk about e-waste (electronic waste), plastic, and paper. Tomorrow, look for information on buying recycled and precycling.

E-waste is really technological trash and it is the fastest growing municipal waste issue in our country. Since faster, more efficient high-tech products are introduced regularly and it’s usually cheaper to buy that new piece of electronic ingenuity, we are faced with the dilemma of how to dispose of our former versions in a responsible manner. As the cycle time of bringing new products to market continues to accelerate, this dilemma will only get worse. The optimal answer will be for manufacturers to make products that last longer and can be repaired easily and relatively inexpensively, which ties into what I stated earlier: ultimately, we will have to look at how things are manufactured and what and how much we consume. So far, our recycling technology has not been advancing at the same rate as our electronic technology. It’s improving–at least now when you ask a store about their recycling programs, your question is usually not met with a blank stare–but much, much more needs to be done.

The best resource for determining how to recycle your old model is to talk to the store where you are purchasing the new model. More manufacturers and retailers are offering EASY ways to recycle electronics. Since recycling is profit driven, big businesses appreciate that the easier they make it for you to use their recycling services, the more likely you will be to actually use them! Everyone benefits: you are able to let go of the equipment you no longer are using, manufacturers save money on reusing the parts, and the environment saves natural resources.

If you are not able to recycle directly through the manufacturer, there is a great online service called E-Cycling Central. Their mission is “bringing you everything you need to know about electronics recycling” throughout the United States. There are links to questions for you to ask potential recyclers, such as “What are your policies and practices for destroying personal data that may still exist on used computers or cell phones?” and “What percentage of the materials you collect are recycled and what percentage is disposed (either through landfilling or incineration)?” along with guidelines for the best answers to look for. There are also links to other recycling and green purchasing resources–this is a great resource.

Many other stores–such as office supplies, pet supplies, cell phone providers, and grocers–will help you with recycling batteries, ink cartridges, cell phones, game systems, and more. Before you leave any electronic device at the curb for garbage collection, look for a company or service to help you recycle.

Plastic can be another category that poses challenges. Plastic has become an integral part of the way we live–most of us no longer even realize to what extent plastic has permeated our lives. From packaging to toys to outdoor furniture to the inside of our cars, plastic is everywhere. When we think about recycling plastic, we usually think of clear plastic containers, like water bottles. However, plastics come in all shapes, colors and sizes. As we look at our recycling efforts, it’s important to consider all these varieties of plastics. In this post, though, I’ll focus on the many different numbers on plastics and which numbers are usually associated with which products. You’ll find a number on the bottom of almost all plastic containers which is surrounded by the triangular arrows–the recycling symbol. How you dispose of each of these numbers can vary from place to place so be sure to check with your local waste management company. In my neighborhood #1-#7 are recycled.

#1–Type of plastic: polyethylene terephthalate (PETE or PET). Used for single-serve water bottles, soft drink bottles and cans, plastic peanut butter jars, and oven-ready meal. When recycled, it can become beverage and food containers, luggage, and film.
#2–Type of plastic: high-density polyethylene (HDPE). Used for detergent bottles and grocery bags. When recycled, it can become recycling bins, motor oil bottles and buckets.
#3–Type of plastic: polyvinyl chloride (PVC). Used for window cleaner bottles, cling wrap, window frames, carpet backing, floor tiles, and food trays. When recycled, it can become traffic cones, garden hoses, and loose-leaf binders.
#4–Type of plastic: low-density polyethylene, commonly called LDPE. Used for grocery store bags, most plastic wrap, frozen food bags. When recycled, it can become compost bins, trash cans, and floor tiles.
#5: Type of plastic: polypropylene (PP). Used for some baby bottles, most Rubbermaid products, microwave meal trays, medicine bottles, yogurt cups. When recycled, it can become ice scrapers, bike racks, and rakes.
#6: Type of plastic: polystyrene (PS). Used for takeout food containers, plastic cutlery, and protective packaging for electronics, such as CD covers. When recycled, it can become egg cartons, foam packing, and thermal insulation.
#7: Type of plastic: Other polycarbonate materials and miscellaneous materials. Used for most baby bottles, sippy cups, plastic plates, and reusable water bottles. When recycled, it can become more bottles.

Again, find out in your area which of these are accepted by your waste management pickup. Also, you may want to inquire about what happens to the different categories of plastic once they leave your home. One company who is making a difference is Stonyfield Farms. Often, #5 plastics (used for yogurt containers) are hard to recycle or are simply burned. On their website, Stonyfield Farms states, “Finally, a recycling solution for your yogurt cups, hummus tubs and other #5 plastic containers! If you’re serious about recycling, you know that most communities don’t accept these common containers for recycling. There’s not enough money in it for them to make it work. And those communities that do accept #5s almost always bundle those with other low value plastics and sell them to someone else who burns them for energy. Yuck!” So, Stonyfield Farms has created a project–reflecting their commitment to reusing–called “Preserve Gimme 5.” Through this link, you can find locations for dropping off your containers as well as Stonyfield’s address to mail the cleaned containers directly to them. It is companies such as this who are trying to bring “cradle to cradle” practices into action!

Paper is our last–but not least–category. The wiser we can be with our paper consumption, the more we’ll help preserve our precious forests and reduce solid waste. We also have the ability to reduce pollution, including greenhouse gas emissions, the major contributor to global climate change. Here are some major ways to make a significant difference. Buy post-consumer recycled paper or try to find paper that’s been certified according to the Forest Stewardship Council’s standards. When paper is made from recycled content rather than virgin fiber, 75 percent LESS air pollution and 35 percent LESS water pollution are created. It’s also best to use paper that hasn’t been bleached by chlorine (which is done to make it look whiter) because the bleaching process causes both air and water pollution. Also, ALWAYS recycle your paper. It’s still the most frequent item found in landfills, according to the EPA. If everyone recycled JUST their Sunday newspaper, 550,000 trees would be saved each week, according to the Earth Day Network.

As I previously posted, banish junk mail and reduce the mail sent to you by receiving more electronic mail! Additionally, here are some other ways to minimize paper:
*Print on both sides of the paper and think twice before printing. Oftentimes, we can simply save a document to our computer or bookmark a website to refer back to the information.
*Cancel phone book deliveries and recycle old phone books.
*If paper hasn’t been printed on both sides, cut it up, make note pads, and use the blank side for notes.

Use your intuition to find more ways to reduce, reuse and recycle. The more we adopt the attitude that everything can become something more, the more we’ll automatically look for the way to make that happen!

A little more about reusing… When it comes to the 3 R’s, the priority of our actions should be first to reduce. As I blogged about last week, reducing our consumption is the optimal choice for supporting a more sustainable planet. Next best to reducing consumption, is reusing that which already exists. Reusing is preferable to recycling because the product doesn’t need to be reprocessed before it can be used again. (Recycling is still important in our efforts to reduce waste–so watch for more about recycling in the coming days.) In reusing, less energy is expended and atmospheric byproducts are not created. Reusing items in new ways (as I posted yesterday) or sharing what we no longer want or need with others also creates an affordable and often free supply of fine–and even excellent–quality goods and materials. Something that is no longer necessary in our lives may be appreciated beyond measure by someone else!

There are many ways to give away, trade or sell what we no longer need–neighborhood newspapers and community boards, lawn signs as well as word of mouth all work well for letting others know locally that we have items we wish to pass on. When we want to reach a broader audience, online services are a great way to spread the word. Online resources such as eBay and CraigsList provide a wonderful forum for advertising items we wish to sell. They’re also great resources when we’re in the market to purchase something. In addition to these two sites, there are many other online organizations and forums for buying, selling, or trading products. I like to think of them as regional and worldwide flea markets!

Another reason reusing is a better choice than recycling is that some items are best left in their original state–in my opinion, books fall into this category! One of those wonderful online resources available to us is specifically for book lovers around the globe. Since books are so significant in my life, and because of the way this organization circulates books, I’ve chosen to focus on BookCrossing.com to highlight just how creative our reuse efforts can be.

As stated on their website, BookCrossing.com was started by “Ron Hornbaker back in March of 2001, as he and his wife Kaori were admiring the PhotoTag.org site, which tracks disposable cameras loosed into the wild. He already knew about the popularity of WheresGeorge.com (which tracks U.S. currency by serial number), and that got him thinking: what other physical object might people enjoy tracking? A few minutes later, after a glance at his full bookshelf, the idea of tracking books occurred to him. After two hours of research on the Internet, Ron realized, to his surprise, that nothing like BookCrossing had been done on any significant scale. And so they went to work. By 3 A.M. that morning, they had decided on the name (zero hits for “bookcrossing” on Google), registered the domain, and Kaori had sketched the running book logo on a crossing sign. The rest was merely execution.”

The website was launched on April 17, 2001. Initially, members joined at a rate of about 100 per month. In March, 2002, a Book magazine article was published and since then, membership has risen exponentially along with more media focus and features. BookCrossing’s website reports on their home page 854,274 current members in 130 countries and 6,246,706 books currently in circulation as they move towards their goal to make the “whole world a library.” They further state on their website that BookCrossing has “captured the passion and imagination of people worldwide who help spread the bounty of books through www.bookcrossing.com.” Read and Release! is their motto.

So just how is this done? Once you’ve read a book (or decided you’ll never read it) and you’re ready to let it go, as a member of BookCrossing–after following some very simple steps–you are ready to release your book into circulation (this is the really fun part of the process!). A highlight of the steps is as follows: Register your book with BookCrossing and generate an ID (called a BCID). Write that BCID in ink inside the cover. Add a label or write the BookCrossing info. You can add some additional markings, stickers, notes, etc., to make the book noticeable.

Releasing the book is where your creativity and imagination can get going! Here’s a brief description of possible places to release your books: “The list where books can be left or released is really limitless.You can release them at cafes, restaurants, coffee houses, those newspaper boxes for free papers, a bus, hospitals, doctor’s offices, anywhere people have to wait, on top of ATM’s, the DMV, museums, park benches, gyms, etc. And that’s just the beginning!!! Check the Release Techniques and Activists forums for more ideas.

“We encourage you to use common sense when releasing books. In other words, don’t leave them where they might be considered a security risk, and don’t leave adult material where a child could easily find it. Be careful about releasing books where books are sold–we don’t want anyone to find one of our books and be accused of shoplifting! We want everyone to learn about BookCrossing, and always come away with a favorable opinion of us.”

There are ways to track your book so you can see where it travels. You can include a note, such as the following one, to follow its journey: “I’ve registered this book at BookCrossing.com so I can track its journey through this world. Please go to www.BookCrossing.com/123-456789 to let me know you found it, then read it and/or pass it on for someone else to enjoy. Thank you!”

The idea of books going to those who most need them is such a wonderfully creative and intuitive one. I wonder how often someone finds a book and exclaims that this is just the book they’ve been wanting to read. Imagine how many smiles we can bring by participating in such a loving project! And…imagine one day walking up to your car and finding propped against your windshield the very book you’ve had on your wish list! Endless possibilities! Endless gifts!

There are so many ways to REDUCE in our lives! From shopping to energy usage in our homes to energy usage in our cars. The opportunities to reduce go on and on. Today, let’s focus on two of the four really BIG ways to reduce that take very LITTLE effort from us. It’s a matter of phone calls, emails, letter writing, along with mindful shopping and traveling! Here are the first two Bellisima Goddess Primary Principles for Reduction:

PRINCIPLE #1: NEITHER PAPER NOR PLASTIC BAGS!
Plastic bags are made with petroleum and natural gas–two of our limited natural resources–and paper bags are made from tree pulp–a renewable natural resource, but one whose demands far outweigh current growth. While I could go on here about the many reasons to say no to both paper and plastic bags, I’ll keep the justification for this principle to the primary one: when we use plastic or paper, we are contributing to the further depletion of these natural resources. Henceforth, live by the acronym BYOB–Bring Your Own Bag. Most supermarkets, if not all at this point, are offering reusable bags–many of which are made out of post-consumer materials. You may have to pay for them but then the stores usually give you a “bag credit” every time you use them. Also, during this month of April, many stores are giving away bags to promote Earth Day. In addition to using your bags at the grocery store, remember to keep them on hand when shopping at the mall. As much as we might like to receive those lovely bags from our favorite boutique or department store, we’re letting everyone see that it’s even more chic to BYOB. If you want to put in the time and effort, you can create your own “designer” fabric bag to carry with you. So, next time you take off to do some shopping, make sure to remember your bags!

PRINCIPLE #2: TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR MAIL!
When it comes to waste in the United States, paper is at the top of the list! According to the Environmental Protection Agency, paper and paperboard account for over 35 percent of the waste materials discarded in our country. One of the biggest offenders of paper waste is MAIL. The EPA estimates that out of the 5.5 million tons of mail shipped, over 4 million of it ends up in the garbage–it’s not even being recycled!! By taking charge of our mailboxes, we can lower our contribution to these astronomical numbers. Here are the main ways to take charge:

*Stop credit card solicitations (nearly three billion are mailed annually) by visiting www.optoutprescreen.com. Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax–the country’s three major credit-checking agencies–have united to create an official service where consumers can choose to be removed from credit and insurance solicitations. The form asks for your Social Security number, but you can skip that line if you prefer. Your form will be accepted without that information. A confirmation request immediately appears onscreen. Choose to save it on your computer instead of printing it out–another way to reduce paper consumption! (NOTE: The 5-year opt-out allows you to complete the process electronically. If you wish to do a permanent opt-out, you do need to print out the completed form and mail it in.)
*ADVO, Inc. is a leading circular distribution company whose primary purpose is to link retailers to potential customers. Although their aim is to service retailers, they also encourage consumers who do not want to receive such mailings to contact them at 1-888-241-6760 where you can decline to receive mailings. You’ll be connected to an operator who will inform you that it takes 5-6 weeks to be removed from all lists. Simple and easy–the phone call takes less than 2 minutes! You can support Mother Earth even more by declining a mailed confirmation card–remember, every piece of saved paper counts!
*If you receive ValPak Savings envelopes that you never use, choose to save the paper instead by visiting www.coxtarget.com and removing yourself from their recipient list. Follow the link to the Contact Us page and click on the mailing list removal form. Fill in the information EXACTLY as it appears on your mailer and submit it. You will be asked to include your email address so that ValPak may confirm your removal request.
*Remove yourself from catalog and other direct-mailing lists by writing to Mail Preference Service, c/o The DMA, P. O. Box 9008, Farmingdale, NY 11735-9008. Include in your request your name as it appears on catalogs. Again, it can take up to 6 weeks for your request to catch up with a company’s mailing schedule. If you still want certain catalogs, contact the particular store or company directly and ask that, in addition to sending you a catalog, they not share your information with anyone. Better yet, bookmark their online site and order from a paperless catalog!!

Good luck with your reduction efforts! As you’ll soon discover, each of these steps takes very little effort or time, but will leave you with a BIG sense of accomplishment! Use your intuition today to see what other actions you and your family might take to further your efforts to REDUCE.

Tomorrow…the last two Bellisima Goddess Primary Principles for Reduction! Have a bellisima day!

Listen with your heart! Listen to your dreams! Listen to your desires! Listen and never give up!

Getting stuck can be so painful, and in the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling the effects of that. Although so much has begun to move and align with regard to my business (and it’s all really fantastic!), I’ve found myself stuck in some areas and unable to make decisions about the actions to take–or to not take. Over the weekend, though, I had one of those a-ha mornings which happen when I really shut off my brain that’s so often in overdrive. By connecting to my heart, I was able to get to that intuitive place where wisdom resides. And with that wisdom came the answers I’d been seeking–they were there all along!

Over the past few weeks my thoughts had been spinning and swirling. Even my body got involved in the overdrive mode resulting in my inability to focus. Of course, when I get stuck in my head with all that swirl I can’t get to my heart, which is where intuition resides. On Saturday though I had the experience of connecting. And, as always, in that connection, the answers and the wisdom came through.

It happened as I was journaling. Journaling about the pain. Journaling about the questions that lay heavy in my heart and on my mind. As I journaled–as always happens–my hand and pen took on a life of their own! I was writing faster than my mind could keep up. It’s that wonderful place I get to through journaling where I leave my head behind and my intuition–my heart–starts speaking. And there it was on my paper in front of me–LEAP! it said. Leap and don’t look back!

An analogy appeared on my pages that helped me see where I was and where I could be if I’d just take that leap. So here is a recap of what came through…

Being stuck is fear–it is the fear of letting go of what has been. That state is like standing on a rock in a stream. I look around and see that other rocks are there–maybe far enough away that I’m uncomfortable. I can choose to stay put or I can decide to move. In order to do that though I’ll need to leap and be momentarily suspended in midair before I land on another rock. I could try to straddle both but because they’re spaced so far apart–if I were actually physically able to stretch that far–I’d probably land in the water. Not the end of the world but probably very uncomfortable and if the current is strong enough, I do risk being swept away. I could also choose to stay exactly where I am but if I’m feeling pain, then is that the wisest choice?

It’s time to allow the process to unfold. It all begins with letting go. It begins with taking that leap. That leap of faith.

Have you ever thought about the impact of the words and phrases you say to yourself and/or to others? I’ve been thinking a lot about words lately because of the writing I’m doing for my book. And then yesterday, I saw a friend’s post about her impending divorce. One of the comments she made validated the timeliness of pondering this topic.

I can go way back to a time when I was in counseling and my therapist stopped me as I was describing the emotions I’d been expressing during the prior week. I told her I’d “broken down” that week at home and that I’d “fallen apart.” I’d had an “emotional outburst.” She pointed out that my use of these phrases was saying I’d done something wrong. I was judging my crying as a negative behavior. There was both shame and self-criticism in my description of myself. Until she pointed this out, I’d never stopped to think about the messages I was sending to myself about me!

Fast forward a few years later to the birth of my twins. One of my identical twin girls weighed more than her sister at birth and has remained taller until this very day. When my girls were babies (and even recently) people have made comments such as, “You were stealing all the food.” “You two aren’t identical, are you?” and “Oh, you’re the smaller one.” Beginning early on, my girls received messages from both friends and strangers that there was something wrong with the way they were. And at an early age, one of my daughters asked to have her hair cut differently so that there would be another way to differentiate herself from her sister. I do not believe that any of the people who made these statements was trying to hurt my girls. I believe they thought their comments and questions were either benign or at most, cute and funny. My girls however were greatly impacted by such insensitive remarks. To them, these statements and questions were anything but benign.

My own experience with breast cancer was another opportunity for assumptive statements such as, “Oh how lucky you were–you only had to have surgery (a mastectomy) and you didn’t have to undergo chemo or radiation.” “Oh, you just had to have surgery.” “Are you in remission?” “How long have you been in remission?” “How long ago was your battle/your ordeal/your fight?” “Well, hopefully it won’t come back again too soon.” “Oh, so-and-so is a cancer survivor too!” And then there’s my favorite pet peeves: “You’re going to do the walk, aren’t you?” “What are you doing for breast cancer awareness month?” All of these statements and questions contain judgments and assumptions about my experience and the labels I presume to attach to myself. For the record, I do not attach any of these labels–such as cancer survivor–to who I am. I am a woman who had an experience with breast cancer almost three years ago and today I am joyful and grateful to know that experience is now in my past. Today, I am a green health goddess–a bellisima goddess–a goddess of holistic wellness, vitality, and bellisima living.

Another woman I met recently shared her pain over the past year as she’s attempted to come to terms with her teenage son’s recently diagnosed epilepsy and impending blindness. One of the most difficult challenges during this past year has been allowing herself to grieve the loss of her son as she’s always known him. Yet, as she’s tried to give herself that permission, others have frequently made such statements as, “Well at least it’s not cancer!” Again, she knows these are well-meaning individuals; however, statements such as these swallow up the space she’s trying to give herself to work through the grieving process.

So that brings me to yesterday, when my friend posted on her blog about the transitioning out of her marriage (aka “divorce”). She wrote that someone asked her about her “failed marriage.” Again, this is a question filled with much judgment and presumption. Who can presume or judge that anyone has failed at anything? And where does this leave my friend who is herself grieving the loss of life as she knew it? Where is the space in that question for what she is feeling right now?

And where does all this leave me as I ponder the use of words and phrases? I guess it comes down to asking myself to pause before making a comment or asking a question. I don’t expect that I have to censor my every word, but I do expect that I pause for a brief moment to see how what I’m about to say is sitting in my gut–to pay attention to my intuition and stay connected to my heart as I converse with another–be they friend or acquaintance, or even a stranger. The more the words I express come from my heart–the more I attempt to make a heart connection with another–the more loving, kind, and gentle my words will be, and the more space they will offer the other person to share their experience with me.

Just as important are the words and phrases I say to myself about myself. It’s important to pay attention to the labels I attach to myself, keeping in mind the energy, thoughts, and feelings those labels bring to me. Anytime I am contemplating my thoughts and feelings, it’s equally important to do so free of self-criticism, shame, and judgment. My feelings and thoughts are just that–thoughts and feelings that are ever-changing and re-shaping. The more I can observe them without judgment, the more I allow myself space to grow and expand.

As Mother Teresa said, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” That includes ourselves!

And finally, one more quote…“Words in general and adjectives in particular have power. It is a power that comes in degrees or shadings. People and even societies can make value judgments on others just by the shadings of the words they use. Weird, strange, different and unique are really just different shadings of the same word but evoke completely different connotations when applied to individuals or groups of people.” Mr. Prophet, from the book “The Path.”

May we all be more cognizant of the degrees and shadings of our own words! Namaste!

“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover is yourself.” Alan Alda