As you go about your day-to-day living, how often do you consider your thoughts and words? How often do you think about what internal monologue is taking place in your head? Is that internal voice conveying positive or negative messages?

As I’ve been taking new directions professionally, I’ve started to pay a lot of attention to what I think about and what I say, both out loud and to myself. I’ve noticed a few things worth sharing.

1. We all have internal thoughts running around in the backs of our heads. However, we may or may not be paying attention to what is being said. The first way to get in touch with that internal voice is through awareness. Simply become aware of your thoughts. For instance, do you ever hear yourself thinking, “I can’t do this” or “I’m not good enough” or any other negative self-talk? Once you notice it, you can do something about it. The best thing to do is turn that negative thought into a positive affirmation. When I find myself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” I rephrase it and say, “I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.” As I say it, I feel the energy shift. I actually feel myself uplifted by those positive words. With constant vigilance, the positive statements will eventually become second nature.

2. Our internal voices can have a more harmful effect on our lives than anything that is said to us by someone else. It’s true. We are our own worst critics. We are the most capable of sabotaging ourselves. So, what can we do with this knowledge? It’s difficult to break ingrained habits, especially those that are primarily unconscious. The best “trick” is to become more conscious. Again, pay attention to what you say to yourself. Create a persona for your negative voice. For instance, mine is the Wicked Witch. I hear her cackling at me and taunting me. When she starts in, I tell her OUT LOUD to “Be quiet!” If the polite request doesn’t work, I tell her, “Shut up!” If she still goes on, I turn on the water faucet and tell her, “You’re melting!” Find a way to humanize that negative internal voice.

3. The comments you make about yourself out loud say a lot about what is running through your head. Again, become more conscious of what you say. If you say something such as, “I never have enough money,” notice both your words and feelings around such a statement. Then, replace those words with something positive. In the beginning, you may need to just not speak such a statement out loud. In time, you’ll find that you are able to say something quite different, such as, “My financial situation is getting better and better each day.”

At first, some of these changes may feel corny or silly. In time, they’ll become ingrained and second nature. Remember, we have the chance each day to spread darkness or light. Which would you rather spread internally and into the world?

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” ~ Edith Wharton

Choose your words and thoughts wisely!

Earlier this week, I received this video for the second time and realized it’s time to pass it on. What struck me as I watched this again is how the message is linked to what my own inner guidance has been showing me. My focus words for 2011 are BELIEVE and CREATE. These came to me through the vision board workshop I attended recently. BELIEVE in the endless possibilities, in my abilities, and in the value of the writing and work I feel called to do. CREATE what I’ve been dreaming and bring it to life. This video reminds me that everything I’ll need will come to me as I’m ready for the next piece of the puzzle. Whether it’s new ideas, new words, new characters, people to collaborate with, or anything else I’ll need to bring my vision to life this year, all will unfold in right timing. What I need to do is let go of limiting beliefs, ask for guidance, be open, and allow. Louise Hay calls it “following her inner ding.”

If we have the courage to dream and believe in our dreams, if we pay attention to the guidance that comes to us in so many different ways, if we let go of old beliefs and ways of seeing the world that no longer serve us OR our dreams, then our dreams can become our reality. As Louise Hay states, “Our thoughts can make our life.” What are you dreaming? What are you thinking? Are they aligned or are your thoughts preventing your dreams from manifesting? What do you need to do to have the life of your dreams?

Last night, while it was still 2010, I wrote down on pieces of paper everything I wanted to let go of before entering the new year. Mostly, what I wrote were beliefs and emotions that have prevented me from moving further into light and love–either blocking my way or keeping me frozen where I am.

At about 11:30 last night I snuck away from my family and the teenage party taking place in my home. I took those pieces of paper, read them out loud, and then burned them one by one. (I’d planned on doing this outside but since the thermometer showed it was sub-zero, I used a can that I keep for indoor rituals.) As each piece of paper shrunk and shriveled and as I watched the words be consumed by the flame, I felt myself getting a little lighter. There was one piece of paper which wouldn’t burn. The flame went out twice. I saw what was written and acknowledged that what was on that particular piece of paper wasn’t so easy to eliminate. As soon as I thought that, the paper began to burn. Within a short time, all the pieces of paper were reduced to ashes. It felt so good to do something so very tangible and feel just how much I intend to release all that doesn’t serve me or others in my life!

Sometime today or tonight, I plan on spending time alone writing my intentions for this new year of endless possibilities. Aside from the milestones I intend to achieve, I know that many of my intentions will be about the thoughts, beliefs and feelings I wish to cultivate in the year ahead. I know that changing these takes constant vigilance and practice. By first writing them down and then daily taking time to read them and think about what they can look like in my life will help me manifest those intentions. I am excited for this venture–this adventure into the creation of a lighter, more joyful and more grateful Donna.

Every day that we wake up is a new opportunity to start fresh and leave the previous days behind. Today is even more significant as the marker of a whole new year. Just as the snow that lays outside my window reminds me how it washes away the old and brings us the new, I too have the opportunity to usher in the dawn of new ways of seeing myself and the world around me.

Over the holidays, I read Kate Jacobs’ third book about the “Friday Night Knitting Club,” entitled “Knit the Season.” The beginning of the section, “the new year,” states: “This is the most powerful of tomorrows: one moment that overflows with renewal, with resolution. The exhilaration of being able to start anew, when there are no mistakes. Not yet, anyway. In a similar way, each knitting project starts fresh–yarn still untouched–and all outcomes are possible. So grab your needles. It’s the only way to ever know what the result will be.”

What will you grab? How will you get started moving towards the endless possibilities of your life in 2011?

Happy New Year everyone!

In love and light,

Donna

Have you ever thought about the impact of the words and phrases you say to yourself and/or to others? I’ve been thinking a lot about words lately because of the writing I’m doing for my book. And then yesterday, I saw a friend’s post about her impending divorce. One of the comments she made validated the timeliness of pondering this topic.

I can go way back to a time when I was in counseling and my therapist stopped me as I was describing the emotions I’d been expressing during the prior week. I told her I’d “broken down” that week at home and that I’d “fallen apart.” I’d had an “emotional outburst.” She pointed out that my use of these phrases was saying I’d done something wrong. I was judging my crying as a negative behavior. There was both shame and self-criticism in my description of myself. Until she pointed this out, I’d never stopped to think about the messages I was sending to myself about me!

Fast forward a few years later to the birth of my twins. One of my identical twin girls weighed more than her sister at birth and has remained taller until this very day. When my girls were babies (and even recently) people have made comments such as, “You were stealing all the food.” “You two aren’t identical, are you?” and “Oh, you’re the smaller one.” Beginning early on, my girls received messages from both friends and strangers that there was something wrong with the way they were. And at an early age, one of my daughters asked to have her hair cut differently so that there would be another way to differentiate herself from her sister. I do not believe that any of the people who made these statements was trying to hurt my girls. I believe they thought their comments and questions were either benign or at most, cute and funny. My girls however were greatly impacted by such insensitive remarks. To them, these statements and questions were anything but benign.

My own experience with breast cancer was another opportunity for assumptive statements such as, “Oh how lucky you were–you only had to have surgery (a mastectomy) and you didn’t have to undergo chemo or radiation.” “Oh, you just had to have surgery.” “Are you in remission?” “How long have you been in remission?” “How long ago was your battle/your ordeal/your fight?” “Well, hopefully it won’t come back again too soon.” “Oh, so-and-so is a cancer survivor too!” And then there’s my favorite pet peeves: “You’re going to do the walk, aren’t you?” “What are you doing for breast cancer awareness month?” All of these statements and questions contain judgments and assumptions about my experience and the labels I presume to attach to myself. For the record, I do not attach any of these labels–such as cancer survivor–to who I am. I am a woman who had an experience with breast cancer almost three years ago and today I am joyful and grateful to know that experience is now in my past. Today, I am a green health goddess–a bellisima goddess–a goddess of holistic wellness, vitality, and bellisima living.

Another woman I met recently shared her pain over the past year as she’s attempted to come to terms with her teenage son’s recently diagnosed epilepsy and impending blindness. One of the most difficult challenges during this past year has been allowing herself to grieve the loss of her son as she’s always known him. Yet, as she’s tried to give herself that permission, others have frequently made such statements as, “Well at least it’s not cancer!” Again, she knows these are well-meaning individuals; however, statements such as these swallow up the space she’s trying to give herself to work through the grieving process.

So that brings me to yesterday, when my friend posted on her blog about the transitioning out of her marriage (aka “divorce”). She wrote that someone asked her about her “failed marriage.” Again, this is a question filled with much judgment and presumption. Who can presume or judge that anyone has failed at anything? And where does this leave my friend who is herself grieving the loss of life as she knew it? Where is the space in that question for what she is feeling right now?

And where does all this leave me as I ponder the use of words and phrases? I guess it comes down to asking myself to pause before making a comment or asking a question. I don’t expect that I have to censor my every word, but I do expect that I pause for a brief moment to see how what I’m about to say is sitting in my gut–to pay attention to my intuition and stay connected to my heart as I converse with another–be they friend or acquaintance, or even a stranger. The more the words I express come from my heart–the more I attempt to make a heart connection with another–the more loving, kind, and gentle my words will be, and the more space they will offer the other person to share their experience with me.

Just as important are the words and phrases I say to myself about myself. It’s important to pay attention to the labels I attach to myself, keeping in mind the energy, thoughts, and feelings those labels bring to me. Anytime I am contemplating my thoughts and feelings, it’s equally important to do so free of self-criticism, shame, and judgment. My feelings and thoughts are just that–thoughts and feelings that are ever-changing and re-shaping. The more I can observe them without judgment, the more I allow myself space to grow and expand.

As Mother Teresa said, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” That includes ourselves!

And finally, one more quote…“Words in general and adjectives in particular have power. It is a power that comes in degrees or shadings. People and even societies can make value judgments on others just by the shadings of the words they use. Weird, strange, different and unique are really just different shadings of the same word but evoke completely different connotations when applied to individuals or groups of people.” Mr. Prophet, from the book “The Path.”

May we all be more cognizant of the degrees and shadings of our own words! Namaste!